A Users Guide To Mind Hacking The Reptilian Brain

There has been a wonderful shift of focus in my wife recently and it is something I am thrilled about. For a long time now she has yearned for something of her own, something that isn't me, and with the best will in the world, isn't our two children. The project that has sparked this shift in focus is network marketing and her enthusiasm has consequently drawn my attention, for comparably different reasons however.  My wife has found something she can invest her energy and abilities into while simultaneously exercising her zest to socialise and make new connections with like minded people. It is not-so-much a monetary goal which has sparked her enthusiasm, it is more the sense of belonging and identity which has channeled her focus.

I thought perhaps I might write her a short blog on something I am confident and knowledgeable in, which is in it's simplest terms - people; how they think and how to get the best results from their resources within. This blog can be universally translated for anyone wanting to understand how to firstly attain, and then maintain, results when working with other 'humans'.

I am a certified trainer of NLP & hypnosis and performance coach and who works with many elite international athletes including world & olympic champions,  successful entrepreneurs, award winning CEO's & company directors. I also work with every kind of person imaginable from people wanting to lose weight, find confidence or conquer fears; and everything in-between. I do this work by understanding how the human mind works and teaching my clients to leverage this incredible muscle between their ears to achieve.

With this in mind I thought about compiling my top 5 'mind hacks' everyone should know about how to leverage the mind and how to understand the minds of others - namely people participating in the consummatory act of buying.

The important consideration and thought is - you need not be a brain surgeon to have a working a knowledge of how the brains functions, I certainly am not!

1. Know which parts of the brain makes decisions. The frontal part of our outer brain, called the frontal cortex was the last part to develop around 2 million years ago. This happened once we learnt to cook food allowing calorific energy to be transferred from our intestines to our brain, subsequently from this development we were able to invent language and imagined spirits such as the mythical Peugeot god. The curious thing about humans are atrophic by nature (not naturally muscular), we don't invest in strength we invest in brain power. We sit below the middle of the food pyramid but without doubt are the planet deadliest predators. This is the reason we have been able to ascent to the pinnacle of natures pyramid, because we are (allegedly) the smartest creatures but by no means the strongest. Like a government diverting its funding from defence to education we were able to grow our brains utilising the increased access to calories diverted from our digestive system. This 'new' part of the brain is our logical, academic, deliberate and rational thinking brain. This does not make the all of the decisions however, the old parts of the brain (reptilian brain & limbic brain) can and do make these decisions before the neocortex is even given access to the information. The world we experience through our 5 senses first passes through the reptilian & limbic brains so they monopolise the first thoughts in any decision. In the process of selling we often focus on convincing the buyers thinking brain when we should be convincing the reptilian brain. The result is the reptilian brain sends signals which intuitively turns the person off, worse still it may even flood the right amygdala with hormones to instigate a flight of fight response. The two amygdala's we all have play apposing roles, one is linked to positive emotions the other to negative emotions. Often it is suggested that the right amygdala is linked to negative emotions, if your product ends up here you will never convince the buyer!

The key to engaging the 'croc' brain is to tell a story and not rely on data and facts, simple as this sounds stories engage and draw people in at a deeply unconscious level. If a picture paints a thousand words then a story paints a thousand pictures. Think of all the greatest public speakers in the world and the narrative of their speeches is filled with stories, metaphors, analogies and similes; they do this for a reason. Stories sell, facts tell.

2. Perception is Projection. How you perceive yourself internally and how you project yourself externally are linked at an unconscious level. If you are internally passionate and 'believe' in what you are communicating then the people you are communicating with will 'buy' into you. Conversely what we recognise outside ourselves is what we truly are inside, otherwise how would we know how to verbalise experience? So if you're often annoyed by a certain person or behaviour then in reality you're annoyed because at an unconscious level you display the same behaviours and it frustrates you internally. In my experience people buy into people, thats the primary reasons for the variation in results within any business. Consider for a moment some of the people in your field of expertise who are achieving fantastic results, then consider what they're perceiving inside and what they're projecting outwards. My guess is with every fibre of their soul they believe in their product or project, the benefits and also the ecology of what they are doing? If you self-doubt and inwardly lack confidence in your message, the projection outwards will be entirely congruent with your internal representation. Humans are very intuitive beings, it is how we have survived and adapted over millions of years. This sixth sense, or 'gut feeling', which picks up the millions of pieces of information away from our conscious awareness at a deeper unconscious level.

Fundamentally if you're not congruent with your internal perception you should work on becoming positively congruent before projecting yourself externally. Every conversation should be an opportunity to develop your positive projection and progress your mindset towards the future, do not think you can chat freely about your reservations with your closet friends and then not communicate this message at an unconscious level when it matters with potential customers. 

3. Patterns are paradox. We are creatures of repetition and find great comfort in the presence of familiarity. Consider for a moment any training courses you have participated in, you will know that the place chosen on the first day will be the place chosen for each day of the course. Likewise, when entering any social gathering we will immediately look for familiar people to interact with initially because of our desire to establish safety in numbers. As with much of what I study this an ancestral self-preservation strategy, we are safer in numbers and these 'numbers' are identified with familiarity, hence the comfort in patterns. This is why you have a certain positive internal representation (+IR) when you see an old friend and likewise you might have the same +IR sat comfortably on your couch on a cold December morning when the Christmas Coca Cola advert appears for the first time of the festive season. There is a paradox associated with patterns though. For example if their has been a multitude of adverts on your potential customers Facebook news feed they may have developed a negative internal representation (-IR) of your product. With this in mind the first sight of the product will trigger the Reptilian Brain to flood the amygdala with fight or flight hormones. They may feel angered and resentful followed by a desire to, at best skip past the advert and at worst delete the person from their FB, this is a Reptilian Brain survival reaction.  

Make your patterns something of real pleasure, intrigue and interest to your potential customers. Laziness is mimicking the industry norms and replicating success, humans are very intuitive of such techniques. Try and be the person who immediately excites by originality, thus engaging the Reptilian Brain when your posts appear on FB news feeds. This can take the form of engaging info graphs, cartoons,  feel good stories and relevant & interesting educational content not directly related to the product. Motivational quotes are good when they're carefully considered with a call to action (CTA) question which engages social interaction. Adopt the pattern of quality over the regurgitated pattern of quantity. 

4. Be proactive (professionally-active) & Use Pareto's 80/20 Rule. It's too easy to be a busy fool, especially online. I teach the art of the deliberate to my clients, with this mindset you act deliberately, you are measured and focused with your approach. All social media releases can be scheduled for the entire week at peak traffic times, this can be done with 1 hours work on a free evening. I use Buffer to release across all my platforms blending intelligent video content from YouTube, motivational quotes that are relevant to my audience and contain a CTA, personal blogs, interesting articles etc. Added to the interesting articles I encourage you to make short videos using your own YouTube channel then pasting the link onto social media. Short videos are hugely engaging and certainly yield many more views than written or even  pictorial content. Once agin these can be added to Buffer and released periodically. By using these tools I am able to redistribute my time into other areas to support my business and in doing this apply Pareto's Rule of 80/20. This equates 80% of your success will come from 20% of your time investment, the importance is in recognising which 20% and focusing. The principles of using the art of the deliberate apply to athletes, online entrepreneurs, business men & women as well as network marketers.

Invest time don't spend it. Examine your time and how you invest it, developing the art of the deliberate will empower you in all areas of your life. Research ways to automate, outsource or streamline workload. There are too many social media hacks to list here but some of the best which should be researched are, Buffer or Tweet Deck, Snip.ly, Mail Chimp (releasing monthly news letters) and the many outsourcing websites available. 

5. Understand your RAS. Your Reticular Activating System (RAS) is the google search bar inside your brain. It filters the information received from your 5 senses and distributes to the different outer parts of the brain. Have you ever noticed that negative people are able to generate and abundance of evidence to support their negative mindset, conversely how positive people do likewise with theirs? Every time you insert a thought into your RAS it searches your brain for all available data to understand the experience you're having. One of the fundamental components to achieving a positive mindset is to fill your RAS with positivity; you are what you think. Much of the work I do is reconditioning the RAS of my clients, often I find that people who suffer with low confidence and even depression have a google search bar full of bad content, hence searches in the brain yield those results.

This works on two levels, both for yourself and your customers. When possible you should operate from a RAS of excellence, likewise you should be mindful that unfortunately many people have a negative RAS; added to this they are unaware of their RAS and it's role in patterns of thinking. Through positive coaching clients can turn their RAS into a force of positive energy. When a person feels positive they are more energised and consequently far more likely to maintain their commitment which will in turn yield the results they desire.  

These are some of the techniques I teach my clients which helps them realise their potential. My clients expect to achieve results and I am judged on those results. The reason I have complete faith in meeting this demand is I understand how to leverage the human mind, which is more powerful than any computer made by the mind of a human. Developing this winning mindset takes time, energy and most importantly consistency.

Thinking how to win is the precursor for actualising it?

phil.quirk@hbp-training.com
www.hbp-nlp.com

What Does 8 Seconds Mean To you?

Life is often about perspective and especially so in performance coaching. Some people find they look at defeats as magnificent learning opportunities that will only improve them in the 'bigger picture', others can't get out of bed for days afterwards replaying the painful experience over and over in their minds. After Lauren Fignon lost the 1989 Tour de France by only 8 seconds he would continually recount the lost 8 seconds over and over in his head. Over time this counting ritual consumed him and he would replay the pain almost daily and at times hourly. Although I acknowledge a huge event in his career he had nonetheless lost perspective on this experience.

Often it is how you look at a situation that defines the meaning you take from it. We coach with the presupposition that you can look at everything from the perspective of a curious child learning. Regardless of your wins or losses the important question is, how much did you learn from the experience? This works for two reasons, the first being when things don't go well it allows you engage your rational and logical thought process and thus attach less emotion to the experience enabling you to be pragmatic; secondly when things go well it keeps you grounded and rational avoiding the potential for arrogance or situational focus loss, once again enabling pragmatism when needed. Which ever race your winning or losing there is always someone winning or losing a bigger race - it's all about the perspective you adopt to view the experience through your frame of reference.

Let me demonstrate....

Read the following extract from top to bottom, as naturally as possible. Once you have done this take an audit of how you feel and also your perspective of this experience.

Today was the absolute worst day ever
And don't try to convince me that
There's something good in every day
Because, when you take a closer look,
This world is a pretty evil place.
Even if
Some goodness does shine through once in a while
Satisfaction and happiness don't last.
And it's not true that
It's all in the mind and heart
Because
True happiness can be obtained
Only if one's surroundings are good
It's not true that good exists
I'm sure you can agree that
The reality
Creates
My attitude
It's all beyond my control
And you'll never in a million years hear me say that
Today was a good day!

Now do the same but read from bottom to the top and rethink your mindset when finished.

Often it is the way we see the world that defines the meaning we attach to an experience, is your glass half empty or half full?

Fighting Natures Hardwiring

Thoughts are an interesting thought; with even more fascinating consequences. Similar to alcohol you can have both positive and negative experiences often within moments of each other and when intoxicated they can govern your behaviour. One second the mind can be flooded with ‘good’ thoughts acting like high performing fuel feeding a Formula 1 engine. The next moment it’s like the fuel has become contaminated with salt water and the engine misfires and grinds to a sudden halt. A stray negative thought at a crucial time can have a devastating consequence to a person’s performance, and often does. Some people wrongly believe these limiting thoughts that contaminate our confidence are unavoidable, they are quite wrong with this thesis.  The brain is like any other muscle in the body and needs exercising, and like the rest of the body the more it is exercised the stronger it becomes. It has always amazed me how little time some athletes dedicate to strengthening their mind, many do not take time to understand their own thoughts which I find confusing.

In Dr Steve Peter's book 'The Chimp Paradox', he explains the primitive parts of our brain, which really are dedicated to preserving our life. The Chimp, which is the limbic part of the brain, often makes decisions that should really be made by our ‘human’ part of the brain. The real paradox is since the cognitive revolution we have accelerated our mental evolution faster than nature. Although our brains can design and build space shuttles we are still mercilessly governed by our primitive hardwiring which protects us from predators that seldom exist in a modern world. These thoughts rattling around our brains, which can be positive or negative, are usually born out of an innate desire to self-preserve. The inner thoughts, which tell us not to expose ourselves with public speaking, are without doubt a self-preservation effect of neurological hardwiring. It is in these moments of self-preservation that the demons can whisper the loudest, and have their most profound effect on performance. Added to this even though we’re hard wired by nature we still find the time to reinforce the message with children, often at a subtle and unconscious level. This precariously balanced confidence is mercilessly subject to external influences, a casual glance by a competitor, an intended word of encouragement from the coach, that is then distorted by the athlete into pressure to perform, and even losing your ‘lucky’ underpants! The ‘human’ part of the brain will think with logic and facts, the ‘chimp’ part of the brain will work with emotion - and is stronger.

Consider for a moment how many ‘emotionally’ led decisions you have made which you very quickly regretted, the chances are you have been ‘hijacked’ by your chimp.

The challenge for our athletes is to understand through education how their minds work, only when you make sense of something can you control the outcome. Under the extreme pressure of competition emotionally fed decisions can sabotage much of the prior preparation of an athlete. The whispers inside quickly become stronger, these whispers can be controlled through logical thinking.

You can ask questions to yourself which will help organise the human brain. What will be the outcome of this decision?  Do I feel rational or am I gripped by emotions, and if so can I consider a logical route to a decision? Will I regret this path should I take it? Is this going to produce the outcome which is best for me in the long term? All of these questions are a presupposition of logical thinking, so even asking them of yourself will lead you into a more rational state of mind.  

Allowing thoughts to sabotage your results is like re-hydrating during a 100-mile bike ride with neat whiskey, performance levels will rapidly degenerate and you’ll definitely regret it for days!!! 

You wouldn’t fuel your body with whiskey so don’t fuel your mind with negativity.

phil.quirk@hbp-training.com

www.hbp-nlp.com

Splitting Hairs - Shackleton Selection Weekend

There is a question I have asked myself repeatedly during the search for the final team member for Charlie Paton's Sub 100 South Pole Team. How can you accurately observe and assess candidates while knowing your presence indirectly influences their behaviour? I’m certain many other selection processes have experienced a similar paradox; you need to see the candidates performing, but while being watched they are likely to modify behaviour to a greater or lesser extent. Having just finished the final selection weekend I think we may have stumbled into the solution to this age old dilemma. 

By chance the final selection weekend left us with 3 similar pairings comprising the final 6, this after the unfortunate withdrawals of Craig & Barry for different reasons. We needed to know how the participants dealt with fatigue, ambiguity, boredom and constant goal shifting, after all these components will be present in the Antarctic with greater consequences.

In this blog I will explain our thought process and also my personal perception of the candidates and their specific behaviours. It is worth emphasising this does not reflect the thoughts of the rest of the selection team.  

It was during the first weekend held at Crickhowell that we noticed very subtle shifts in behaviour when candidates perceived they were under assessment, some did this unconsciously others perhaps more consciously. Some added words to their sentences while others withdrew conversational content and engaged in a ‘poker’ style guarded approach. Some would become more cheerful, others more withdrawn in our presence. I wrestled with ways to dissolve our very obvious contamination of their natural behaviours, which we needed to learn about. Added to this we (myself and Phil Kelly) believed it vital that Charlie should see the candidates at their most vulnerable, which in and of itself was challenging enough to manufacture given their undoubted resilience.  The answer to our challenges actually presented itself in an analogy innocently mentioned to me in passing a few weeks prior to the weekend.

‘It is widely accepted that when a bank robbery takes place with 10 people present the police will be given 11 different stories. The theory being all 10 of the ‘victims’ will tell a different version events, the 11^th story is the ‘true’ account of the security cameras.’

Charlie and me discussing the candidates. 

Here in lay our thought process for the selection weekend. If we removed ourselves from this behavioural equation paradox completely, to the point the candidates thought we were completely detached from their experience, they might act in more natural way - warts and all! Added to this during our small intersections there would be a marked difference in their behaviour that would be very apparent to the members of their own team. This would be the most important ingredient because we weren’t their to 'see' with our own eyes we needed them to 'see' for themselves each others weaknesses; cruel perhaps, clever most certainly.       

As mentioned the final 6 fell into 3 similar pairs. 

The first pair, Tom & Callum, fall into the  Transactional Analysis Driver bracket of ‘Be Strong’, both are capable physically and mentally. They also both occupy an unusual 'Alpha' male trait, which is an almost quiet and understated leadership style, reserved predominately by ‘Be Strong’ drivers with high levels of confidence and humility in my experience. Because of their ‘Be Strong’ drivers neither are particularly comfortable during interviews, perhaps their driver characteristic of ‘less is more’ linguistically doesn’t lend itself naturally to interviews? Interestingly in many ways they are similar to Charlie himself. 

The second pair, Mike & Stuart, share a detailed, logical and analysis orientated thought process. Both enjoy individual sports and I suspect both enjoy the detailed planning associated in their respective past times. In every ‘cerebral’ focussed challenge over the two weekends they out-performed the majority of their counterparts. Stuart solved the ‘Sign lines’ game during the middle of the night with limited sleep and in the shadow of Snowdon. Although the success of the task was actually communicated through Mike who understood Stuart’s logical thought process and was able to explain the plan to the group making him a great conduit for Stuart’s analytical solution. 

The final pair are the ladies, Carrie & Hannah. The other males appeared from the outside to hold great respect for both and neither tries to occupy an obvious default position of women in a social group dominated by men – the ‘mother hen’ role. Physically very different although both incredibly strong of body and mind, they share many personality traits including endless enthusiasm and an enduring sense of humour which perceived from the outside does not irritate other candidates, which can sometimes be the case. What was most evident is something that was missing as opposed to something that was present; there was an absence of internal dialogue from either to compete with the males to ‘prove’ their individual credentials.  My thoughts throughout are this behavioural trait absence, often found with women participating in ‘male’ dominated activities, is a major contributing factor to their acceptance from males within the group alongside their individual personalities. Conversely, it is also a major contributing Human Factors in many mountaineering / ski touring accidents in the sense that to ask for help from male counterparts is considered a confirmation of inferiority in strength, either mentally or physically.   

                                       Stuart and Mike at the second campsite.

During a brief interludes with the teams it was important that we observe as much Meta detail, looking closely at the things usually considered benign and meaningless. You can learn an incredible amount by observing someone erecting a tent at the start of the weekend then watching the difference as fatigue sets in. Where and how do they start the job? How long do they look at the task before they begin the sequence? Which order do they choose their pegs? Which way is the tent facing? Do they think logically or do they rush trying desperately to beat fatigue? How many pauses do they take and how long are the pauses? Do they still retain the ability to conduct concurrent activity or is their capacity to dual task reduced? All of this can be observed in one small job. Our job was to see all of these moments with the help of Craig, Clive and Steve who all contributed outstandingly to the information flow to Charlie. This flow of information was relentless throughout the weekend; the detail of discussion was truly phenomenal to be part of. Furthermore I believe we created an accurate blue print of how to really expose personality in candidates of heightened ability and capacity, not something easily achieved.

The final part of the equation was the need to find out exactly what had happened in our obvious absence. I had suspected that some would become frustrated at the lack of external verification of their efforts. Imagine performing at the top of your game with herculean effort while nobody is watching. Its like scoring the winning goal in the FA cup final with nobody bothering to watch the ball hit the back of the net. Mixing this approach with sleep deprivation and information flow restriction, your left with a pretty potent emotional cauldron, not unlike Polar exploration. Our plan was to ask a core of identical questions on how their teammates performed, Phil Kelly provided much of the questioning while Craig took notes and asked occasional questions alongside Charlie’s input. I was concerned mostly with watching their body language, specifically when we asked how they enjoyed our lack of presence and when rating their teammates. This was uncomfortable for some but nonetheless absolutely vital, without doubt we are jointly responsible for a potential life or death decision. It was very necessary, Phil Kelly made a great analogy of having millions of pounds on the table and trying to separate the pennies – effectively by this stage we were down to splitting hairs. All six were good enough at this point; we knew it and so did they. Because of this a certain amount of clinical harshness was needed, added to this we (the selection team) had a duty to Charlie to help him make the right decision. I don’t think we could of provided him with any more information given the short time we all had together. What is certain is that all 6 were amazing and sometimes the smallest things separate candidates at this level, splitting hairs is easier said than done – believe me!  

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Choosing Your Limits

Have you ever considered why the results you are so motivated to achieve somehow elude you? Perhaps many areas of your life are balanced and productive but for some reason you can't ‘perform’ to the same standard in one single area.

The reason for this could be limiting decisions and limiting beliefs, often traced back to childhood.

Limiting decisions are often parental injunctions expressed during a child’s formative years with the maternal purpose of protection for the child against the pain of disappointment. It’s the reason parents often steer their children towards perceived ‘safer’ careers and away from the more ‘risky’ options available. The child dreaming of becoming an artist is often coerced into finance and the aspirant pop star into towards a career in teaching. Often these subtle and well-intentioned messages hold us back and become limiting beliefs later in life.  For some people these limiting decisions and beliefs prevent them from fulfilling their true potential in life; there will always be the safer path to choose – and they will always choose it.  Limiting beliefs at their most damaging can self sabotage personal happiness and success, without the conscious awareness of the 'victim'. I’m certain as you read this blog you can associate someone, perhaps even yourself, with some of these examples?

A presupposition of HBP-NLP is that we model excellence, being true to this value I will blog about examples of excellence in people. Consider, for a moment, how easy it would have been for Stephen Hawkins to develop limiting decisions and beliefs once he became ill. Although he would surely of experienced many dark and frustrating times the decisions he made and beliefs he held would keep him moving towards his goals. When limiting decisions and beliefs are released a synergistic magnetism occurs which allows the expression of limitless possibility, exemplified by Stephen Hawkins.

One of my favourite stories is of Sylvester Stallone’s struggle to make his dream come true as an actor and film writer. Stallone was given rejection after rejection, at his lowest he was forced to sell his dog for $50 to feed his family. Eventually his script for Rocky, written after watching Weppner v Ali, was accepted with the clause he could not play the lead role. Stallone, although broke, turned down repeated offers, which eventually rose to $400,000 - as long as he played no part in the film. Offer after offer he refused, even though he was financially destitute. Eventually the production company folded to his determination and agreed to let Stallone play the lead, for a reduced $25,000 fee. The rest, as they say, is history.

The common theme between both examples is that the decisions and beliefs of both of these extraordinary men guide them towards their goals with an almost immovable force. Last week, while filming for the upcoming Sub 100 TV Documentary, I met many amazing people with similar frames of reference with regards to decisions and beliefs. Their collective achievements ranged from rowing oceans to climbing Everest to holding the world record for cycling around the world and everything in between!! The most extraordinary thing from my perspective was the strikingly ‘ordinary’ appearance of these amazing people.  Ordinary people can achieve great things; the by-product of simple men with outstanding accomplishment is the development of a great person. It is our belief that the potential for outright greatness exists in us all; some people grasp these fantasies and run free without limits and some simply decide to ‘walk the safe path’. 

Which path will you choose?  

  

#opportunityisnowhere 

The Language of Success

My favourite episode of the Two Ronnie’s is the famous ‘four candles’ sketch when they completely misunderstand each others communication. Amusing as this is I see this problem often in coaching. Linguistics, in my opinion, are one of the most vital aspects of a coaching relationship. Obvious as this might appear, many coaches do not understand the paradox of simplicity and complexity found in our rich language. Further still, they are often unaware of its potential power, both positively and perhaps more importantly negatively.  

Increasingly athletes are turning to a different kind of coach than the traditional ‘man in a tracksuit’ often associated with sport. Whether it is Sky Pro Cycling with Dr Steve Peters (Chimp Paradox), or numerous footballers, golfers, fighters and track stars with NLP coaches, athletes are increasingly utilising psychological performance specialists to enhance their performance. This is not restricted to a sporting arena however, and is certainly not restricted to professional ranks. I have in recent years, noticed a sharp increase in the uptake of coaching in all walks of life. The shared theme of any coaching, regardless of background, is the use of linguistics to create options for the client.  

We spend much of our life conversing in what is known as the ‘surface structure’ of language. Each second millions of pieces of information are channelled through our 5 senses, soaking our neurology constantly. To make sense our brains cleverly reduce this to a manageable amount. A process of deletion, distortion and generalisation followed by a complex neurological filtering process leave us with an internal representation of how we 'see' the world around us. This is paradoxical though  as although we all 'see' the same picture we all delete, distort and generalise different parts of information. Here lies the trap when purchasing 'fork handles', and likewise when coaching; we coach others through the biased lens of our individual worldview.

When coaching it is imperative from the outset to coach from a neutral position. Leaving your model of the world at the door and engaging the client in ‘their’ model of the world is fundamental for success. This simple but effective tip can assist linguistic clarity exponentially and save hours of lost coaching time trying to fit 'your' individual solution to 'their' individual problem. Cast your mind to a time when you have offered some well intentioned advice. Potentially if you had experienced a similar issue you might paste your successful solution for their similar problem? To do this you are making a presupposition that they see the issue the same way as you did; often this is not the case.

So if we talk at the surface level of language how do we dig deeper linguistically?

There is a wonderful methodology in NLP called the Meta Model, this is extremely useful when coaching, let me explain?

When someone deletes, distorts and generalises information linguistically it is often the loss of vital parts of information that need recovering, this is done away from the conscious awareness. Carefully constructed questioning that encourages the person to examine their statement regains this ‘lost’ information. Often when this is done it creates choices that can then be explored by the person being coached. In turn this leads to the generation of solutions and the powerful part is they discover these solutions and therefore retain ownership - it’s about the person being coached, not the coach. Unfortunately though, without an understanding of these linguistic programs both parties can become frustrated with each other.  The coach and the client can’t quite put their fingers on it but both intuitively feel they are not connecting; this is effectively coaching in no-mans land.

In Part 2 of this blog I will explore the Meta Model further and explain how to incorporate simple questioning techniques into your coaching.

By Phil Quirk

The Magic of the Metaphor

Gregory Bateson once famously said that everything is a metaphor for something else. I find this statement resonates with my own thought process and remarkably reflects how I use metaphors to teach.

Recently one of my friends made a passing remark that, in his opinion, I would give up on my business plans and return to the safe ‘corporate’ work within 1 year. He did not realise I overheard the remark, and in all honesty it has no relevance, his opinion is as valid as those who have expressed confidence in my venture. 

For real innovation you must be prepared to walk against the flow of conventionalism, true entrepreneurs are not afraid to swim against the tide. 

Taking the plunge into business can be a daunting prospect, a leap into the unknown without certainty and riddled with doubt. The natural human inclination is to seek approval and advice from those you value the most, close friends or family, but are these the best source for impartial advice in such matters?

Firstly lets examine the quirky British penchant for pessimism. Linguistically, as a nation, we will always air on the side of caution – after all its best not to get our hopes up, you need look no further than our World Cup expectations for this.

If you asked a friend “How’s it going?”

The response might be “not bad.”

Or perhaps even “could be worse.”

Catching an optimistic Brit might bring you “getting there!”

We use a famous metaphor when deciding important professional decisions, whether that is leaving a job, starting a new business or moving home.

‘The grass is not greener on the other side.”

Before we examine this metaphor I think it important at this juncture to agree some premises for the blog, presuppositions agreed within NLP.

Firstly the map is not the territory. The world that I see is not the world you, or anyone else sees.  We will delete, distort and generalise different information through our senses. The information is further filtered through time & space, memories, values, language and meta-programs resulting in the internal representation we both have, which are very different ‘realities’.

Secondly, perception is projection.  Often when offering advice, not dissimilar to some therapy; the friend offering advice is actually talking to themselves  They are looking in a metaphorical mirror and seeing your face, but the reflection is theirs and it is themselves they are counselling.

Once you understand these premises it becomes easier to apply perspective to any advice received externally. It’s also important to develop the idea that all advice is intended positively, however difficult to understand at times from your model of the world. The friends that are excited and optimistic see that in themselves so genuinely ‘feel’ that way, those who are pessimistic, the same applies and through their pessimism they are providing you with future reasons for failure.  Intuitively the same reasons that have protected them from taking risks in the past, they are loaning you their safety blanket. 

So what does the ‘greener grass’ metaphor mean, at least in my model of the world? For some others it could mean that most people do not feel content with their lawn, so are drawn to the other side of the road like a magpie catching a glimpse of silver; only to be disappointed once they arrive. It could also mean that your better staying with the lawn you have come to know, adopting a ‘better staying with a half full glass of something you know’ mindset than gambling on a move to something unproven.  If you’re part of being workforce it could mean that it is better to have many hands working on a large pitch of grass as apposed to working a small plot independently, safety in metaphorical numbers.

This is the wonderful gift of metaphors; if a picture paints a thousand words then a metaphor can paint a thousand pictures.

In my world the grass is not ‘greener’; the colour of the grass is actually irrelevant on arrival. It is what you do once you take ownership of the grass that is important. Enthusiasm, altruism, energy and determination are all qualities needed to tend your lawn. Working when nobody else is looking and at times enduring the bad weather while remaining true to the cause will keep you on track to develop a prize winning lawn.  Listening to advice and understanding its higher intention helps retain perspective because at the end of the day, we’re all amateur gardeners in need of professional advice.

Phil Quirk

Co-Director of HBP-Training

www.hbp-training.com / phil.quirk@hbp-training.com

https://www.linkedin.com/pub/philip-quirk/47/351/747