My favourite episode
of the Two Ronnie’s is the famous ‘four candles’ sketch when they completely
misunderstand each others communication. Amusing as this is I see this problem
often in coaching. Linguistics, in my opinion, are one of the most
vital aspects of a coaching relationship. Obvious as this might appear, many
coaches do not understand the paradox of simplicity and complexity found in our
rich language. Further still, they are often unaware of its potential power, both
positively and perhaps more importantly negatively.
Increasingly athletes
are turning to a different kind of coach than the traditional ‘man in a
tracksuit’ often associated with sport. Whether it is Sky Pro Cycling with Dr
Steve Peters (Chimp Paradox), or numerous footballers, golfers, fighters and
track stars with NLP coaches, athletes are increasingly utilising psychological
performance specialists to enhance their performance. This is not restricted to a sporting arena however,
and is certainly not restricted to professional ranks. I have in recent years,
noticed a sharp increase in the uptake of coaching in all walks of life. The
shared theme of any coaching, regardless of background, is the use of linguistics to
create options for the client.
We spend much of our
life conversing in what is known as the ‘surface structure’ of language. Each
second millions of pieces of information are channelled through our 5 senses, soaking
our neurology constantly. To make sense our brains cleverly reduce this to a
manageable amount. A process of deletion, distortion and generalisation
followed by a complex neurological filtering process leave us with an internal representation of how we 'see' the world around us. This is paradoxical though as although we all 'see' the same picture we all delete, distort and generalise different parts of information. Here lies the trap when purchasing 'fork handles', and likewise when coaching; we coach others through the biased lens of our individual worldview.
When coaching it is
imperative from the outset to coach from a neutral position. Leaving your model
of the world at the door and engaging the client in ‘their’ model of the world
is fundamental for success. This simple but effective tip can assist linguistic clarity exponentially and save hours of lost coaching time trying to fit 'your' individual solution to 'their' individual problem. Cast your mind to a time when you
have offered some well intentioned advice. Potentially if you had experienced a similar issue
you might paste your successful solution for their similar problem? To do this you are
making a presupposition that they see the issue the same way as you did; often this
is not the case.
So if we talk at the
surface level of language how do we dig deeper linguistically?
There is a wonderful
methodology in NLP called the Meta Model, this is extremely useful when coaching, let me explain?
When someone deletes,
distorts and generalises information linguistically it is often the loss of vital
parts of information that need recovering, this is done away from the conscious
awareness. Carefully constructed questioning that encourages the person to examine
their statement regains this ‘lost’ information. Often when this is
done it creates choices that can then be explored by the person being coached.
In turn this leads to the generation of solutions and the powerful part is they discover these
solutions and therefore retain ownership - it’s about the person being coached,
not the coach. Unfortunately though, without an understanding of these
linguistic programs both parties can become frustrated with each other. The coach and the client can’t quite
put their fingers on it but both intuitively feel they are not connecting; this
is effectively coaching in no-mans land.
In Part 2 of this blog
I will explore the Meta Model further and explain how to incorporate simple
questioning techniques into your coaching.
By Phil Quirk
